Hi mah, Priska here. It’s been months since our last conversation on WhatsApp. Mah, I wrote you a letter that you will never read, but I’ll keep it here because I’m scared that, as I grow older, I might forget some pieces of the memories of us. So, here are the things I love about you.
I used to be someone who always refused my ex’s invitations to meet their parents. Perhaps it was because of a family principle I held onto — all daughters should only visit their partner’s parents when the relationship is serious, and when the partner has met my parents first. I always thought it was important to set boundaries. But with you, I broke that rule, and I’m so incredibly grateful that I did. Meeting you changed everything for me in the best way.
I’ll never forget our first encounter. It was a Sunday morning at Assumpta Church. After many failed attempts, your younger son finally managed to convince this clumsy and shy woman to come along. And after Mass, you invited me to your home for lunch. I remember telling you about my job and the pressure I was feeling at work, and you listened so patiently. You then shared with me your experiences as a single mother raising two children, working hard through the years. Your strength and resilience left such a deep impression on me, and it still amazes me every time I think about it.
Mah, I’ve seen some photos of your younger self, before and after your marriage. You are truly beautiful (and I’m not exaggerating, I promise) — people still notice the traces of that beauty in you. You always dress so neatly, with smooth, black wavy hair, and your bright smile could light up any room. You are the kind of woman who fell in love with a writer, converted to Catholicism, and remained loyal even after your husband passed away. I often find myself saying, “I want to grow old healthy and happy, just like Mamah Indah.” You’ve always been an inspiration to me.
I also remember the time I tried to fix your damaged wedding photo, the only one you have. I really wanted to preserve that precious memory for you, but I couldn’t do it right, and I still feel bad about it. I guess it’s just another thing I wish I could’ve done for you.
I’ll admit, I rarely attend parties, or maybe I should say, I hate them. I had no idea what I was getting into when you asked me to accompany you to a wedding party at Subasuka Restaurant. It wasn’t my first time there, but I never imagined I would attend a wedding with my partner’s mom. After taking some photos and greeting the brides, we decided to grab a taxi and head home. On a side note, I want to thank you for dragging me out of my shell that day — haha, I never would have gone if it weren’t for you.
You’ve taught me so much, Mah. You taught me how to cook — from ayam goreng bawang putih, tom yum, ikan kuah asam, to ayam bakar, ikan bakar, and opor ayam. As someone who lives far from home and doesn’t have a strong relationship with her mom, learning how to cook from you has meant more to me than words can express. I remember the time you asked me to peel a mountain of red onions — I’d never peeled that many before, and I almost cried from the sheer number of them! Then there was the time I used the cobek to grind the seasoning until my hand ached, and I ran to your younger son, asking for help. But you stopped me and told me I had to do it on my own, and in that moment, I learned not just how to cook, but the importance of patience and perseverance.
Mah, I’m truly sorry for breaking one of your plates that day when we were preparing food together. Later, your younger son told me it was your favorite one, and I felt so bad. I never wanted to cause you any hurt, especially not over something so small. It’s one of those little regrets that I’ll always carry with me.
Mah,
Thank you for always noticing the way I dress. As someone who loves to wear jeans and shirts, you’ve never seen me in a dress, skirt, or even short pants. There was a period when I wore the same plisket skirt over and over, simply because I loved it. You know it was my very first skirt, and it felt like such a milestone for me. It’s the complete opposite of your style, where you love wearing pretty dresses and always putting on make-up. Your attention to detail in how you present yourself has always been something I admired.
You were so thoughtful when you gave me a piece of black plisket fabric, encouraging me to take it to the tailor for a new skirt. Then, I received a beautiful blue batik skirt as a gift from my work colleague, Celia, and, yes, I wore it often. You noticed that, too, and I’ll never forget the day you gave me one of your purple batik skirts, just because you thought I would love it. You’ve always been so generous and kind, Mah.
I also cherish the moments we shared together, like sitting side by side watching Netflix series or YouTube videos, and laughing until we couldn’t stop. I will always miss those little, everyday moments with you. I’ll miss going to the store with you, helping you choose lipstick colors, and picking out the perfect shades. I will miss decorating the Christmas tree with you, especially the way you made everything feel so special. And, of course, your sambal ikan cakalang and pempek Palembang — those were such a treat. You have a way of making everything more flavorful, both in the kitchen and in life.
A week ago, I bought some cheese breads, your favorite. As I ate them, I found myself tearing up, just like a little kid. I miss you so much, Mah. Every little thing reminds me of you, and it feels like a part of me is missing.
One of the hardest things about the separation from your younger son is the realization that I’m also losing you, and I have to learn to move on from it as well. No matter how many times he tells me that we could stay friends, I’ll never feel the same warmth, the same love, or the same comfort you shared with me. That’s something I have to face, no matter how many times I wish it were different.
There are so many things I still want to say to you, Mah, but I think this is where I’ll end my letter. You will always be one of my favorite people. Your kindness, love, and strength will stay with me forever.
With all my love,
Priska
